Background Paper: Parenting During the Transitions to Adulthood
Katherine Jewsbury Conger, Ph.D., and Rand D. Conger, Ph.D.
University of California, Davis
Stephen T. Russell, Ph.D.
University of Arizona
Nicole Hollis
University of California, Davis
Parenting During the Transition to Young Adulthood
Positive Parenting of Young Adults
Final Thoughts and Future Directions
This paper was commissioned by the Institute of Medicine (IOM) and the National Research Council (NRC) to provide background for the May 7-8, 2013, Workshop on “Improving the Health, Safety, and Well-Being of Young Adults,” hosted by the IOM/NRC Board on Children, Youth, and Families. The authors are responsible for the content of this paper, which does not necessarily represent the views of the IOM or the NRC.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in 7 years.
—Mark Twain, 1939 (Sherrin, 208, p. 142)
As a society, the closest thing we have to a rite of passage that signals the beginning of adulthood is graduation from high school and turning 18. Congratulations, you are now legally responsible for everything you do; you can now vote, get married, and join the military; but you cannot have a drink for 3 more years, and you cannot rent a car until age 25—so not quite an adult (Sachs, 2010; Settersten and Ray, 2010). We also used to have societal expectations about the orderly acquisition of adult roles: complete high school, go to college or get a job or join the military, get established in the workforce, find a romantic partner, get married, get your own place to live, and then have children (Mouw, 2005). Now, however, young adults (YAs) and their parents agree (mostly) that becoming an adult is not defined by the number of roles you assume, but the experiences and transitions that signal independence from parents and acceptance of personal responsibility (Arnett, 2004; Cote, 2000; Nelson et al., 2007). Indeed, Mouw (2005) found multiple pathways to adulthood based on five common transitions experienced by American youth: completing education, leaving home, becoming employed, childbearing, and getting married (see also Furstenberg, 2008, 2010; Settersten, 2012; Shanahan et al., 2005). These changing expectations for young adults have also impacted their parents and families; parents are increasingly expected to provide the knowledge and the resources to enable their young adult offspring to become established as a self-supporting, self-reliant, well-functioning adult. In other words, parental involvement does not end when children leave home, whether it’s for college, a job, or the military. Thus, parents have the task of providing social, emotional, psychological, and financial support until their children are safely and securely launched, whenever that may be.
PARENTING DURING THE TRANSITION TO YOUNG ADULTHOOD
The challenge to parents of YA children during this time of change is to provide support, but to do so without blunting the development of independence and self-reliance. A review of the literature (e.g., Aquilino, 2006; Nelson et al., 2007; Savage, 2003; Settersten and Ray, 2010) revealed five repeated themes regarding the successful parenting of YA children: communication, social support, finances, personal responsibility, and connections to other adults and resources. Prior research also suggests that these themes and parenting of young adults have their roots in childhood and adoles-
cence (e.g., Aquilino, 2006). Other important factors for the parents of the current generation of young adults (ages 18-29) are that the playing field is uneven and the economy is nearly unrecognizable compared to what it was like 20-30 years ago, even 5 years ago. These economic changes increase the challenges faced by parents. Simply put, how do parents go about advising and assisting their 21st-century children as they move into the arenas of education, work, relationships, and beyond based on knowledge and experience parents gained during the 20th century?
Based on what we know about parenting in childhood and adolescence, and to quote Larry Steinberg (2001), “we know some things,” good parenting of children and adolescents involves warmth and support, clear expectations and limits, and reasonable consequences for when children fail to meet expectations for appropriate behavior, along with the provision of adequate food, health care, shelter, and clothing. A central question for present purposes involves the degree to which we can identify similarly effective parental behaviors for young adults. As we shall see, some behaviors are quite similar across developmental periods, such as social support; other behaviors change, such as control. This paper is designed to briefly summarize key findings from research on parenting this age group, identify gaps that need attention, make recommendations based on what we know, and discuss implications for social and public policy.
POSITIVE PARENTING OF YOUNG ADULTS
There appears to be general agreement that good parenting of young adults is built on a foundation of communication and contains elements of mutual respect, social support, financial knowledge and assistance, and recognition of changing expectations and relationships (e.g., Aquilino, 2006; Nelson et al., 2007; Savage, 2003; Settersten and Ray, 2010). That is, parents and young adults alike need to acknowledge that their relationship will change on multiple levels and both parties need to be open to new ways of thinking and talking about the multiple transitions of young adulthood (see Tsai et al., 2013). In this atmosphere of change, however, certain dimensions of positive parenting can be identified. We consider these dimensions by beginning with communication.
The Foundation of Communication
Parent–child communication is not new territory for families, but the dynamics of the parent–child relationship during young adulthood can present new challenges, especially for parents used to being in charge or in control (Aquilino, 2006; Savage, 2003). For example, reminders about homework assignments viewed as helpful during high school now may be
viewed as unwelcome intrusions during college. Similarly, reminders to YA children about doctor/dentist appointments also may be seen as intrusive— even an invasion of privacy by some—and this view is supported by privacy laws (FERPA and HIPAA1) that do not allow parents unfettered access to educational and medical records once their children turn 18. Once children leave the natal home for work or school, there are no more daily chats over breakfast or in the car that keep parents informed, and young adults now can more easily control the amount and type of information that is shared. However, this control of information may be more difficult for those young adults who are living at home while attending technical school or college, or who have moved back home for a variety of reasons, and those who co-reside as they get established in a first job.
Unlike previous cohorts of college students, many of today’s YA students want input from their parents on many issues and report texting or talking with parents frequently (Savage, 2003; Settersten and Ray, 2010). Even with close relationships, parents and young adults readily acknowledge that these transition years can be challenging from both sides. Based on communication research, parent–adolescent relationships appear to function best when communication is reciprocal, respectful, responsive (i.e., sensitive), and restrained (Laursen and Collins, 2004). Parents and children with positive relationships during adolescence may have an easier time of tweaking their communication style to fit the more egalitarian relations that develop during young adulthood. For young adults who experienced poor parent–child relationships during adolescence, some separation may provide an opportunity to reestablish lines of communication and create positive connections during young adulthood. Some parents and young adults may involve siblings and other family members to serve as intermediaries to keep lines of communication open and functional during this time of transition (Conger and Little, 2010).
Parenting and Money: Everyone’s Least Favorite Topic
The economics of parenting during the transition to adulthood is twofold: financial support and financial socialization. First, parents increasingly are the primary source of money for college and other training after high school. This expectation can be problematic if parents do not have the resources to send one or more children to college, yet feel the need to support the new American norm—a college degree (e.g., Chen and Berdan, 2006). Does it make sense for parents entering middle age to invest heavily in their YA children with an uncertain return, or should they invest in their
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1 FERPA: Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act; HIPAA: Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act.
own retirement? Settersten and Ray (2010) raise the issue of “smart debt” for young adults as they invest in their own education with the prospect of paying it off; they also suggest that smart debt may include getting a good degree from a public university instead of a gold-plated degree from an expensive private school that may compromise the future financial health of parents and young adults alike. Similarly, for some parents and YA children, co-residence during the college years or a first job may set the stage for a successful transition to independent living in young adulthood (e.g., Goldscheider et al., 2001; Settersten, 2012).
Researchers also need to keep in mind that most parents have more than one child. Thus when we consider family economics during young adulthood, we need to think about siblings (see Conger and Little, 2010). There can be uncomfortable competition within families for scarce resources for education; parental favoritism about money issues can promote conflict between siblings, with the potential for long-lasting effects (e.g., Conley, 2004). For example, older, more established parents may have more resources to support the education of younger siblings, which can foster hurt feelings among older siblings who entered the family when their parents were just getting started (Steelman and Powell, 1989). On the other hand, YA siblings who complete a degree can serve as role models and may even be in a position to provide social and financial support for younger siblings (Conger and Little, 2010).
A second economic issue concerns parents as providers of financial socialization for their YA children. Our review uncovered a small, but growing literature on this neglected area (e.g., Jorgensen and Salva, 2010; Serido et al., 2010; Shim et al., 2009). Research in childhood and adolescence focuses primarily on how parents socialize their children to become socially or academically competent; however, finances are rarely mentioned. Many young adults report that an important goal is to be financially independent from parents (Nelson et al., 2007). How do young adults go about achieving this independence? How do parents prepare their children for assuming financial responsibility for themselves and for obtaining basic financial literacy? Parents also help YA children to gain an understanding of the implications of short-term decisions for long-term financial health and well-being. Economic decisions can be particularly important during times of economic hardship and uncertainty when the consequences of economic missteps can alter the pathway throughout adulthood (Conger et al., 2012). Some of the ways parents socialize their children is through modeling responsible financial management and decision making and by including adolescents during discussions of family finances. Thus, while parents are viewed as the primary source of knowledge with regard to finances, those who have conflict around finances are more likely to have YA children who avoid money-related discussions, thereby decreasing their opportunities to
learn about financial decision making firsthand (see Jorgensen and Salva, 2010).
In addition to the economics of parenting, differences due to social class in childhood and adolescence can be compounded as YA children of low-income/underprivileged parents move into education after high school without the supports and resources common to young adults with access to financial and social resources that prepare them for higher education (see Danziger and Rouse, 2007; Swartz, 2008). These social class differences have been exacerbated as the economic landscape for poor and working-class families has stalled or steadily declined over the past three decades, with even more dramatic differences during the past 5 years due to the 2007-2008 Great Recession (Redd et al., 2011).
Social Support, Responsibility, and Independence
In addition to financial support, another central task of parenting during the transition to young adulthood is the provision of social-emotional support. YA children work on establishing personal autonomy without severing ties with parents and siblings (except under severe conditions like abuse and neglect, alcoholism and drug abuse, parental mental illness, etc.) (see Aquilino, 2006; Conger and Little, 2010). Settersten and Ray (2010) suggest that parents and youth alike need to develop a relationship based on “interdependence” rather than independence. Ultimately, strong parental social support creates the possibility for the development of autonomy in conjunction with connectedness.
Furthermore, parents of young adults can encourage the development of personal responsibility in a framework of “relational maturity” (see Nelson et al., 2007). That is, parents teach the social norms of adulthood along with the consequences of violating social norms. Relational maturity also includes becoming less self-oriented and developing more consideration of others, which are important attributes when making decisions about social and romantic relationships. These lessons in societal expectations and consequences of norm violations can be especially important in the rapidly changing age of social media. In addition, parents can model and teach planning skills and responsibility. For YA children living at home, “good” parenting also includes assigning some adult roles that contribute to the household. In addition, parents can encourage health-promoting behaviors and the avoidance of health risk behaviors such as smoking and excessive use of alcohol (Schulenberg and Zarrett, 2006; Schulenberg et al., 2005).
The bookstores and the Internet are full of self-help books for parents from infancy through adolescence, but when you get to young adulthood, advice seems to be limited to parents of college-bound youth. Numerous books on the market offer practical advice on negotiating all aspects of the transition from high school to college, starting with the application process and moving to parenting long distance, and from finding a major to helping with the eventual job search and beyond (e.g., Sachs, 2010; Savage, 2003). Parents of young adults who do not take the college route are left to make their own way without institutional or cultural supports (see Aquilino, 2006; Settersten, 2012). What about those young adults who could benefit from college, but do not have the resources to tackle college right out of high school (see Aronson, 2008; Mortimer et al., 2008; Settersten and Ray, 2010)? They are especially vulnerable to truncated life opportunities in an increasingly high-tech world.
What if your parents did not attend college, are non-native English speakers, are undocumented immigrants, or just don’t see the value of higher education? How do we, as researchers and policy makers, start gathering information that provides meaning to the aggregate data available from demographers and economists? Although focused on a college population, Konstam (2007) provides a method for starting to gain information on understudied populations by using interviews to gain individual insights on issues important to young adults, their parents, and their employers from diverse groups and perspectives. One idea that emerged was that of “thoughtful scaffolding” that provides emerging adults with individual and systemic support for negotiating the multiple opportunities of early adulthood; this concept could apply to all parents and social institutions interested in supporting a successful transition to young adulthood (see also Flanagan and Levine, 2010; Settersten, 2005, 2012).
Barriers and Constraints to Good Parenting
Good parenting faces a number of barriers—from both the perspectives of parents as well as YAs. First, nearly all parents want the best for their children—health, wealth, and happiness—but not all of them have the capacity or the resources to provide the best possible route to health, safety, and well-being of their YA offspring. Providing a detailed discussion of all of the barriers and constraints is beyond the scope of this paper, but we provide a short list of factors that may interfere with the capacity to provide good parenting. Barriers and constraints may include marital conflict, separation and divorce, death of a parent, physical and mental illness of parents or other family members, incarceration, parental unemployment, or
poverty, which may render parents unable to help out financially or emotionally. Furthermore, many adolescents come to this transitional period either without parents (e.g., homeless or foster youth) or with parents who are unwilling or unable to provide support due to their own problems. A number of scholars have written about these issues (e.g., Aronson, 2008; Courtney and Heruing, 2005; Chapter 6 in Settersten and Ray, 2010).
Young adults who have limited or no access to a parent and youth who are members of vulnerable populations may be particularly at risk for experiencing a bumpy ride through this transition (see Osgood et al., 2005). These vulnerable youth include homeless youth, youth aged out of the foster care system, incarcerated youth, and youth with mental illness and chronic physical illness. There is no easy answer for young adults in these situations, but researchers have started to recognize the challenges these youth face and are trying to design programs that can assist these youth during their often more precarious transition to adulthood. For example, Dang and colleagues (2013) have interviewed homeless youth and found those who report having a supportive relationship with a nonparental adult mentor are more willing to seek health care, to talk to shelter staff, and in some cases to make contact with parents or relatives. Is connecting with and maintaining a relationship with a caring adult a skill that can be taught? Can youth with mentors then serve as mentors for other homeless youth? Detailed research by Whitbeck (2009) illustrates the numerous challenges faced by homeless youth (e.g., mental and physical health problems) and discusses approaches to working with this high-risk, transient population, their families, and their social networks. These types of interventions may prove worthwhile as these youth make the transition to young adulthood.
Another unique population is sexual minority youth (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer/questioning as well as sexual minority parents. YAs who are “out” to their family and friends may have support from parents and family. Those who are not out to parents and family may have a challenging time negotiating transitions of young adulthood given typical concerns about forming relationships and navigating new settings of young adulthood, such as school and work, that may be exacerbated by concerns of sexual prejudice and homophobia (Russell et al., 2012). Recent research by Goldberg and colleagues (2012) also raise the issue of young adults with sexual minority parents: What happens when they leave home and enter other social networks? These young adults are viewed as living on the borders of two communities: the communities of their parents during childhood and adolescence and the mainstream heterosexual community. They identify some of the difficulties these young adults face as they negotiate the transition to young adulthood at the same time they must negotiate the challenges of leaving home, completing their education, entering the workforce, and establishing their own romantic relationships.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND FUTURE DIRECTIONS
Our review has shown that researchers have been collecting data on the transition to adulthood during the past three decades. However, conclusions are incomplete because the research in this area has focused primarily on young adults who are enrolled in 4-year colleges and universities (for an exception see Osgood et al., 2005). Research is needed on representative, noncollege populations to understand the family dynamics of those young adults not on the college track (i.e., the “forgotten half” identified by the W.T. Grant Foundation, 1988). Our own research bears this out; nearly 90 percent of high school seniors in our longitudinal study of 559 families in Iowa said they were planning to attend college, but by age 27 only about 60 percent had completed a 4-year degree (Conger et al., 2013). Researchers, clinicians, and policy makers need information from a wide range of noncollege young adults and their families to gain insights on the family and social relationships of youth who are in the workforce, in the military, and taking on multiple adult roles that affect their health and well-being. Future research also needs to consider the experiences of young adults from immigrant families (see Rumbaut and Komaie, 2010) as well as the roles of race, ethnicity, and culture in understanding parent and child relationships during the transition to adulthood (e.g., Mollenkopf et al., 2005).
Furthermore, we need systematic research on individuals who are making this transition without the support of family, such as youth aging out of foster care, homeless youth, or YA with parents who have no resources to help. “As a society, we pay too little attention to the fates of young people whose parents are unable or unwilling to provide the guidance and support that they so desperately need,” wrote Settersten and Ray (2010, p. 143). For more on these issues, see Osgood et al. (2005) and Goldscheider et al. (2001).
In addition, a discussion of the parenting of young adults, especially during a time of economic uncertainty, provides an opportunity for all concerned to engage in the ongoing debate about the competing interests of research, policy development, and service delivery, and what steps we might take to bridge the gaps among these three distinct cultures. Shonkoff (2000) summarizes the issues of the debate succinctly: “Science is focused on what we do not know. Social policy and the delivery of health and human services are focused on what we should do” (p. 182). Researchers want to take time and gather information on all of the issues from multiple perspectives; programs and policy makers need practical, actionable information now—or yesterday. Our challenge then is to examine what is being done in light of what we think we know, and how the two inform each other. A thorough review of the linkages between research and policy is beyond the scope of this paper, and we refer readers to the following for more informa-
tion: Bogenschneider and Corbett (2010); Heckman and Krueger (2005); and Settersten (2005, 2012). Our job as researchers and policy makers is to keep the health, safety, and well-being of young adults in mind as we make recommendations for programs and policies. For young adults and their families—and society at large—succeeding in this endeavor is important.
We end by suggesting that we build on what constitutes good parenting of adolescents and recognize that offspring of all ages benefit from parent– child relationships that are based on warmth and support, reciprocal communication, clear expectations, financial advice and support, and a sense of personal responsibility. Countless studies demonstrate the salutary effects of these dimensions of positive parenting during adolescence (see reviews by Holmbeck et al., 1995; Steinberg, 2001). A growing body of research shows that young adults also benefit from positive parenting during the transition to adulthood (see Aquilino, 2006; Booth et al., 2012). For example, aspects of positive parenting have been related to competence in young adult romantic relationships (Donnellan et al., 2005; Meier and Allen, 2008), to educational attainment (Swartz, 2008; Wintre and Yaffe, 2000), and to investments in the next generation (Conger et al., 2012). These dimensions of positive parenting help promote the health, safety, happiness, and well-being of parents and their YA children. The “how” of this supportive relationship changes with age and maturity, but the fundamental principles remain the same. Although parents may feel that they are on their own in “launching” their YA children into the next stage of adulthood, social and public institutions need to recognize that healthy, happy, successful young adults benefit themselves, their families, and all of society.
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